How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
