I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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