Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
