now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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