Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
