I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
