Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I just blew my weed a kiss
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
