terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
