i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
