Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
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