woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
