am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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