I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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