Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
