Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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