My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I am midnight drunk by noon
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
