The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
