At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
