I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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