True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
