You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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