I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
