Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
