I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I deserve this hangover.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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