when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
