just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
