I wannas sexs uuuuu
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
My vagina is officially offended.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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