I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
