and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
