my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
