she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
