Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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