I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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