On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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