just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
