It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
