Soap is not a condiment
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
