part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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