I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
