whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
