Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
