You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
