I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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