All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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