It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Found your dick twin last night
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
