So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
