I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Randomize
