you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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