Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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