he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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